Have you ever stayed up thinking, what is it that tomorrow holds for you? Or are you, like me trying to catch the ghosts of your past? I am missing you, you are the ghost of the past haunting me. I can’t wait for the next time I am going to see you, I eagerly count days. I count days over and over, I remember all the things I wanna say to you. I pass by days remembering our laughter, our jokes, our memories, our plans, our tears, our friendship. Do you too pass the day by trying to pretend I’m right by your side, where I ought to be.
On days, I sit by the window as though I were back in bus with you. When I hear the birds chirp away in their mellifluous melody, I think of our rhythmless voices, trying to tune the words of our hearts, trying to find a way for our hearts to beat in a dulcet sound.
When I look at my hot chocolate, flourished with whipped cream, I think of your eyes. I think of their warmth, like of the hot chocolate. I see the delicacy of your soul, fragility of your heart, much like mine. Then I see the depth of your onyx-hazel eyes, a shield of armor, strong and cold. Then I remember why you are my arsenal, because the shields that you have built are not only meant for you, but also for me.
I remember your smile, of sunshine and promises, the ineffable pain and trauma, hidden behind the most radiant smile ever. I remember you as vivid colors that light up my world. I remember you as my blue crayon, the one color I never get tired of, the one that I use to paint my sky. I remember passion in your every breath. I can still feel my heart beating so fast that I thought I might die, your laughter did that to me.
I remember how your eyes that are so warm and yet so cold, burn with passion when you speak of your dreams. I can see the sunshine reflect in your eyes, I can see the willingness to work, to strive to achieve that one goal that burning in your veins. I can see, through your eyes what that goal does to your heart. It makes it beat so fast that I can almost hear every one of it’s beat. I love seeing the curiosity in your eyes, it makes me want to know all the answers just so I could tell you. You are so radiant and selfless that you want to find meaning in a black hole. You don’t ever give up, no matter what the world says. You want to fill that void with vivid colors, mellifluous melody and illuminating light.
I remember you, my best friend, my better half, my sister, my parabatai. I remember everything about you, I miss everything about you.
Missing you is like missing a piece of my own soul. Few days I’ll be fine, I will spend all day under bright rays of the sun, thinking of you. I will cherish our memories and smile upon you and patiently wait for the next time I can see you.
Other days it’s like a storm in my eyes, the blue skies and silky cloud seem to vanish. I feel broken beyond repair. I feel every inch of my hollow heart, I can hear my heartbeats, they calling out for you, reaching out for you, beckoning for you. It’s like decent into chaos.
You know, I will be leading a life, a normal life which isn’t haunted by a ghost then I will see something which makes me laugh, you will be the first person I’d want to tell. I will want to tell you about what made me laugh, what made smile, what reminded me of you. Not only that, you would be the first person I’d want to tell about how horrific my day, you would be the first person I think of when I need advice.
Every day we spend away from each, I feel a part of my soul dying, freezing to death. The minute you are back, the flames in your heart will unfreeze my frozen heart. We are fire and ice, always keeping each other at balance. They say only true love thaws a frozen heart, they don’t know that mine was thawed by love. The love for you and distance put between us, but they are right of course because only you, my true love can thaw my frozen heart.
There is no truer love than the love that bonds people as friends, there is no truer love, no truer bond than friendship and there is no truer friendship than mine to yours. To me we are in a time that trails behind in the present, dancing in circles until the last stars frizzle out and that will happen only when our lungs die short of oxygen because of laughing which will end us forever. When we are at a distance of separation, we realized our hearts were drunk with a beauty that our eyes could never see.
Let me tell you, this is not the end of us. Till I see you again, I will wait with a heart beating only for you, with a soul waiting to feel full again. I will wait an eternity, because every moment I spend with you my little infinity.
Till I see you again, my best friend.
Let them keep saying nothing lasts forever.
With love, Shadow.